Loss, failure, fear

LOSS, FAILURE AND FEAR
(OF NOT GETTING THE GIRL)

The biggest disappointment for myself over the past several days is that I just may not get the girl after building my hopes up that I would. Really; if I'm honest with myself, that's it.

And, the fear of what others will think is excruciating. Fortunately, I have solid friends who know me well enough to help me realize what I already know: Everything is alright. If the biggest problem I have is that a relationship (which wasn't even in highly progressive stages in the first place) doesn't work out, then I am in good shape. This morningI sat in my counselor's office (inwhich I highly recommend a therapist or counselor to everyone. It's inexpensive compared to 10% of your income, and the advice isn't fogged by a collective consciousness of insanity) and opened up about the embarrasment, disappointment, sick feelings and just utter defeat I have been feeling regarding a risk well taken that didn't pan out the way I had hoped it would.

The simple fact is that I set myself up in the first place, by pronouncing in my mind that a certain result would equal success and that anything else would equal failure. Failure then would do nothing but support all the crazy bad things that the ego wants to keep in motion in order to keep me anywhere but in the present.

Over the past several days, I have tried to anchor my current circumstance with a comparative situation from the past to no avail. I don't have anything to compare this to. I have never felt this way. Sure, there are elements of emotions that are common, but the crazy stew that this particular circumstance has boiled is very very different than any experience of my life.

Could it be that this is simply because I am a different person? Could it be that this time I do have a heart that is open, and I am willing to put it out there? Could it be that a less cold, less rigid soul will also feel the sting of things differently?

I typically don't copy things verbatim, but I really think today's "Daily Guru" has alot to say to anyone who will listen. I hope you enjoy these words and quotes. Thank You.

"Being Genuine"

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make yousomething else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When we don't know who we are -- or if we are afraid to be who we are --we betray ourselves. We pretend to be who we think we are. Our selfimage is made up of our experiences, desires and other people's ideasand expectations of us. Maintaining this false self is a betrayal of ourselves. In all deepspiritual journeys, there is the experience of betrayal. Betrayal alwaystells us to adjust our life to be more authentic. What we identify withis all important. There are large betrayals (e.g., your partner leaving you) and smallbetrayals (e.g., disappointments). They are all experiences of beingwounded for the purpose of breaking down the defenses of thepersonality. When we allow the wounding and accept the betrayals asdivine gifts, we greatly benefit.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don'tmatter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss (via Elena)

"What you must dare is to be yourself." -- Dag Hammarskjold